This year I like other muslims looking for a right guy and make a lot of boy's friends.I knew we have to find a good man and make my own family just like prophet Muhammad taught.I don't know the exact one what I need.The one I said is not a man.It's a choice or need I really want.Even I try to know other guy on purpose.Whereas I just felt guilty coz of my fool behaviour.Sometimes I talked with my best frimed what kind of those muslim we like.She like the foreign one.I just want a man have a good belief in islam.We could care our famaily and hold the same dream.No fighting after getting married.Maybe I request him too much.It's impossible we will not argue each other when we live in the same house.I never ask for others folloing what I request.Insidiously I always push him to do that. 

     Sometime I talk to myself Allah will guid me a right way not be too hurry up for my silly daydream.I will pray and consider others situation.If they need my help I rather give my Sawah to them.I don't know why I kept that thinking in my heart.i always think I won't gain my happiness in my life coz of my sin.I couldn't break it away.It was appeared in my bream.It's a nightmare I can't shake it off.Didn't I query what I believe before?Yes!I have to admire I did.Even I could pray five times a day,recite more qur'an and be fasting in Ramadan.But I still stay alone.I couldn't get a complete life until now.How many times I see others muslim's girl like me?Try to know a lot of boy's friends and find thier soulmate special a husband.How could I be like other lucky girl meet a nice guy in blind marriage?Everyday I complain all be unfair to me.Actually I hurt all the people trying to help me.I can't get a balance on this.

The best way is waiting.Yes!Do your obligation first and think about yourself.Maybe it's not important getting married now.If it's yours allah will give you.If not even you insist on occupying you will lose more you had.That concept  surround my mental mind always.So that's why I didn't insist on this marriage.

Whatever it's good or bad I get just thanks for allah guiding.Is it?The bad one Allah gave is a test.The good one Allah gave is a privilege.Just say Bismillah wheb I do everything before.I can hold my best belief everytime.

Insha allah....thanks allah guiding.Keep reading hard and work hard.

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