目前日期文章:200903 (19)

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     What!Muslim..a muslim are you?Who could believe I converted to muslim in 2005?I want to be a good muslim.Finish those obligation what I have to do in islam.Do you query all the things why you need to do.I had been before.My family asked me before.What the real reason result me to became a muslim?The Khair said"even I didn't pray everyday.I didn't stop to drink the wine and prohibit to eat the favorite food.like pork or dead animal meat.I still be here"I am not kidding.All these question I have been asked by Khair.How could I explain to them?Maybe I could say all the teaching that allah guiding.Who could trust you?They would say "I still be here.Yup?"What is the future world?Do you see that before?"

    No fighting no discussion that kind of the future I want. I am a simple person.I need a job and earn my money for saving.My dream is building my own house.It could be like a small mosque.Like a apartment.My mulsim friends could live together.We just have our own place to pray and work.We won't be worry to lose our job and couldn't support our family.

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Do you query what you could do everyday?I thought I get sick because I couldn't find my future.Just pray everyday.Everything before I do say some good words.I can't keep my good temper.I look so emotional.I told to myself I have to be patient it everyday.But it still happend to me.I ask myself why I can't do my good job and gain my happiness life.Why I have to pray from Allah.It's impossible.

just go to sleep.I hope everyday I wouldn't know the true.

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    Everyday I ask myself what I need in my life.Get married or take a hard job.I couldn't get both together.My head nurse talked me she hope I could consider more others feeling.If I couldn't do well I would involve others job.She admired she treat me so strick.But she wanna me learn more.It's good for me.But I still can't take this such high prssure.I don't know what I felt now. feared I would hurt the patient I care.I would hurt my colleagues.Why?Because of my bad temper.I try to cover that with my tear.But it's not the right way resloving the problem.But I knew myself.What the real I am.I couldn't be like my mother.Just shout to anybody with my emotional temper.Everything I wanna control.But it's fair.How could I complain those disappointed to my family?But I did already.When I get crazy.

    When I calm down I could think more what I really need.I need the nurse job beside the hight salary.I like the feeling saving others' life.But I have no professtional skill to finish my dream.No~ you have.But you don't want to study and work hard.My family and the header try to remind me who I really am.What a smart girl is.I was not.Everyday I introspect what I do.Maybe the nervous enviroment make me going wrong way.When I wanna get angry I just pray for allah's  forgiving.

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    Who would call you at midnight just for two piece of glycerine balls?The answer is the nurses on nine floor in Wei Gong hospital.I couldn't realize the senoir co-workers worked there for ten years would do that for me.Do you think about the people would push you with those  malevolent way.Great idea!They want you to resign just be hard to you everyday.Even you do the right thing.I intend to fight for my job again.But I am fair.What a good surgery nurse is.I didn't know.Be kind and be good...when you know what they really did to patient.You would admire their doing.I knew I just complain more to my job.But I have to know what they really are.

Say Bismillah before you do everything.

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   讚美安拉給我們規定高尚的道德準則,禁止我們迫害他人、忤逆父母、口是心非。我見證萬物非主,惟有安拉,獨一無二的主,他命令我們善待和孝順父母;我見證先知穆罕默德是主的僕人和使者,他一再強調敬重和孝順父母的義務,願主無量地賜福安於他和聖裔及聖伴們,直至報應日!

        安拉的僕民啊!

        我首先囑告你們和我自己要敬畏和順從主,至尊主說:「信士們啊!你們要虔誠地敬畏安拉,只應順主而亡。」(《古蘭經》3章102節)

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This afternoon I went to surgery dept. because I make some nursing teaching about total hip replacement.I just arrange some simple information and pictures prepareing for this nursing teaching.It let me reminisce the working experience in LinShin hospiatal.What we nurse could do for those patient and their family.Beside the medicine we gave and sone injection the most one is nursing teaching.That could be revealed our important in medical field.The experience is not special to me.I have a lot of experience like that at my the first work.The different is the people they are  not  Taiwanesea.Almost foreign workers are.But the point we want to convey is the same.

If I only care six to eight persons at my work everyday I rather spent most of my time to teach those patient how to care their health like what I did at my first jod.That's my favorite at the part of my job.In fact it never happend here.Why?Everybody knows what quility of medical in this such hospital.I have to care 10-11 persons everyday.How could I do those good nursing teaching for them?The patient and their family always complain I speak too fast like a machine gun.da.da.da.da.....

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When I off duty I just went home and open my desk computer.Starting writing my blog reading some book and making some talking with some foreign and local friends are what I have to do everday.Sometimes I would visit my grandma.We would talk a lot about my future.It look like a peace island I live.I could live in my small township.If I want to buy some cheap grocery i could go to RT mart in HsinChu city. Everything is so convenient I could find in this island.

   When I watch some programe they play the life of some remote districts in the world.Suddently I felt guilty.Why?I look so happiness now.On that time I pray please Allah would gave my Sawah to those peple need the help.I asked my father why my life was so commonplace.My father just laught at me.He asked me what kind of life you seek.I didn't say anything.Because I didn't know what such question I asked him.So funny.A commonplace life and featureless place! It's not a joke.It's too horrible what I thaught.It meant I felt nothing happening in my life.I have to consult some professional.Is it?

    No.NurLindhal you can hold a plentiful life.Remenber what Allah require you have to do.Read more Qur'an and pray five time a day.I knew it's my obligation in islam.I had no complain.I love to do that.But I just hate the time is not enough.I like to read more book about islam not my nursing book.Maybe I have to get some balence.It's my plentiful  life not a commonplace one.Tiawan is a pretty place.There're a lot wonderful place I don't know.

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This year I like other muslims looking for a right guy and make a lot of boy's friends.I knew we have to find a good man and make my own family just like prophet Muhammad taught.I don't know the exact one what I need.The one I said is not a man.It's a choice or need I really want.Even I try to know other guy on purpose.Whereas I just felt guilty coz of my fool behaviour.Sometimes I talked with my best frimed what kind of those muslim we like.She like the foreign one.I just want a man have a good belief in islam.We could care our famaily and hold the same dream.No fighting after getting married.Maybe I request him too much.It's impossible we will not argue each other when we live in the same house.I never ask for others folloing what I request.Insidiously I always push him to do that. 

     Sometime I talk to myself Allah will guid me a right way not be too hurry up for my silly daydream.I will pray and consider others situation.If they need my help I rather give my Sawah to them.I don't know why I kept that thinking in my heart.i always think I won't gain my happiness in my life coz of my sin.I couldn't break it away.It was appeared in my bream.It's a nightmare I can't shake it off.Didn't I query what I believe before?Yes!I have to admire I did.Even I could pray five times a day,recite more qur'an and be fasting in Ramadan.But I still stay alone.I couldn't get a complete life until now.How many times I see others muslim's girl like me?Try to know a lot of boy's friends and find thier soulmate special a husband.How could I be like other lucky girl meet a nice guy in blind marriage?Everyday I complain all be unfair to me.Actually I hurt all the people trying to help me.I can't get a balance on this.

The best way is waiting.Yes!Do your obligation first and think about yourself.Maybe it's not important getting married now.If it's yours allah will give you.If not even you insist on occupying you will lose more you had.That concept  surround my mental mind always.So that's why I didn't insist on this marriage.

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How many time do I seek fo a mulism family?It mean I admire islam is the one part of my life.Like what I said beofe the trouble making by human not the religion.The belief in islam is good no query at that.But I already converted muslim I have to follow what I promised to Allah.It's a task I seek in my life.There's three religion in my family.It's Buddhism,Chris and islam.So amazing!yup!

Allah won't grant me a privilege without any doing for islam.And me didn't request any privilege from Allah too.I just need to createmore islamic life in Taiwan.There's no reason that a small island was not spread  those islamic seed here.It's a drudgery everybody knows.But who wants to do first?It 's prone to disappearance in a huge,fill of Buddhism enviroment.Sometimes I could realize why most of converted muslim choose to  leave islam away.Nobody could stand for their side.The live in Khair family.If they couldn't convince thier family converting to muslim.Whereas their family will do the same to him or her.How could they endure those pressure

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Before I do everything please say Bismillah first.It could make me feel good.When others try to attack you with some malevolent words.Just say Astafillrullah.What those Khair did you must try to realize why the real reason is.NurLindhal  you couldn't get mad always.Try to control your bad temper.

Everyday I have to gave me a strong plain relieve shot special those people say some malevolent words to me again.This afternoon I thought they just want to see me to suicide or some doing they like.I don't understand  why they love to do that.They did't consider the any results coz of those malevolent words.How many those new comers choose to resign because those arrogant NP and colleagues.When I worked at 9F there're four new comper quitted.But who would care this condition happening at surgery department?Nobody care.The head nurse just push human resource dept. to get more interview and support more manpower.So ridiculous with those funny doing.Why didn't they introspect themself?I remenbered one of my colleague just transferred to Gynecology dept. last four monthes.She thought it's unfair she gained in this dept..How about do other people work in surgery dept.?Even my leader want to transfer other dept.But the head nurse didn't allow.

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When I worked in Wei Gong hospital I found my colleague are so proud of their job.But I didn't think so they are.Maybe my profession knowledge is not sufficient.At least I won't ignore my patient asking.They get sick so I knew what they really need.Is it not my job?When I saw some nurse and NP or doctor  talked to patient with impatient attitude do you think it's that profession?

When your family suicide you're hurry to hospital.But the NP told you it's not my case.I just a on duty doctor's assitant.I can't explain the condition of this patient to you now.What did she talk?Do you know?How cann't  you get mad with those profession NP?Curing patient disease or care patient needing wasn't important in the ward.They just want ti finish their job even me.I'm afraid I will became like that kind of the nurse I hate.

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My father told me our house was built for 16 years ago since I was 10 years old.I try to reminisce what I suffered before.It is a long time I don't search the "history" of my house.After 912 was a horrifying earthquake happened in Taiwan in 1999 my wall of family's house appeared a lot of rifts.On that time I was studying nursing school in Linkou.After 10 years I went back to my house and slept on my own room.Sometime it had heavy raining the ceiling of my room will  be leaking.It's so sad.I never think if I wanna fix that because it was not happening always.

I knew it's my responsibility now not may father.I already get a job.So I have to rebuild my family house.But my father hope it was not the right time to rebuild it.Maybe he will wait for my brother married.It's different meaning in tranditional culture.The older will ask the eldest son rebuild their house.It can  be signified their success with their job.But I don't think so.When I converted muslim I still bought a lot of goods to my father.Computer,television all I could pay.In my mind I just think it's my house with those sweet family.I never think I can gain something from my father special the money or some rich.It's impossible.I have to appreciate my father support me a good life.I didn't worry about my student loan because he never allow me to do that.When I graduated from nursing school I just spent all I earned.I never think about my saving.After 5 years I just  realize my consumption stlye was so worst.I have to change.

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When I saw those pictures I own It's so sorrowful I felt.All my reminiscence last three ago still afflict me.I can't run away those miserable pass event.I expect I could stay in islam but I can't get the happiness life.Sometimes I queried myself what happening to me.Just a happiness islamic life why I can't own.How can I complain this in my life?I need to introspect all the mistake I made everyday.I knew I am not happy.Why I look like so sad.I could be a well-being woman coz of my relive.

It's my reminiscence in my life.Whatever it's good or bad.I have to accept it.Maybe other people would think I lwas so depressed when they know what thinking I had.Everytimes I think I can hold my happiness if I can recite more Sura of Qur'an and make more Du'a.Is that true?I believe others muslims will argree that absolutely.So ..If I don't do that it means I am not a good muslim..

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When I saw the teller in the bank they will let  me reminisce my mother.She is a treasurer in a factory.At that time I didn't think about my jon in future would be a nurse.I thought I would be like my mother to be a office assitant or accountant.I could study computer science ot acounting.Even my aunt was a acountant.But it was not.When she died I lost the power.I don't what I can do.Suddently I knew she told me if I can't study hard.Just go to a nursing school.I won't  get unemployed after few years.

Those words keep working until now.When I quit my jon in Golden brother.I still keep my nurse credential.I have a nure license.It was proved what my mother's intention is.I appreciate her guiding a right way.I won't be worry to lose my on this economical recession beside what I can't do my best in hospital.

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Marriage is the best life everybody love.But the worst one is the person you like misunderstood you would get married with other guy.And  give his best regard to you.So sad.How can I esplain to him?I try to  give him a hint hoping his realizing.But it fair.He can't get my words.Maybe he knows what I said.But he try to avoid this sensitive issue.But he keept talking those misunderstanding.What I can return any response.

Like I said before.I have to do someting to Allah not ask from Allah.Any happiness is made by yourself  because of this religion spirit.I believe I can hold my own one.The first what I must do is being a good muslim.Pray five time a day and read more Sura of Qur'an.Make more Du'a for everybody include those Khair.They will appreciate those pith of islam.

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They told me you could pray from allah.Allah will give you the best life.But I have another new thinking.Just do something good in islam.Do something good for allah.Not ask allah to give me the best life.I knew who I am.Why I am here in islam.Everyday I pray.It's for everyone I met, I knew.Not for me.

They said when you pray you would gain more Sawah.I think it's great like Buddhist.I rather transfer to other people they need.I hope my family could know more I gain from islam.I don't want to discuss any belief with them.Why I don't do that?Because I just show it and let them see what I gained. That's the best way we could stay on the same boat.

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 My grandma  urged me to get married early I never reminisce what happened three years ago when she push me like that.I still remenber what I compain tearfully to the ex-chairman what happening on my side.They tried to advised me to give all I asked.They knew it's not good to me.That's true I find it now.

How long I can breakj out this nightmare in my life?I never think about that.I knew my fortune like a fragile mirror.Look at my aged face.I don't know how to make me get younger.Smile everyday.A little hard.Take a hard job now.Because of high pressure I kept in hospital even it's not my mistake my colleagues still would  blame on me.So horrible with them.Reminiscence all my love before.Why my like was so miserable.

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Thanks for allah guiding.Everyday I would say that for myself.Everydau I orayfor everybody I met.I knew I am not a best one.But I could be the one they really needed.How could I change myself so fast.Maybe it's my mind changing.If I can't adapt myself to those suffered in the sugery ward I would get crazy after few monthes.

This morning I wake up so early.It is 04.00am I checked my clock.I thought my clock doesn't keep the good time.Actually it wan't.In fact I woke up at 04.00am I didn't know what I am worry about.Maybe I goty some depression with my job.When I tried to make me more clear I said"Bismillah"again.It is not the first time I woke up so early without any reason.I asked myself what kind of wonderful life I need.

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How do I face my life now?I need to work hard because I didn't like my job. I visited my grandma last night.She advised me to make my good life.So ridiculous!I don't know to creat a good life.How can I get a wonderful life?I try to fix my problem and make more islamic thing in my life.Sometimes I rather find a easy job liek assitant in office.I could release my high prssure in hospital.I always focus my tragic suffered in Wei Gong hospital.But I didn't think about others feeling.I am so selfish. ?Maybe my colleagues are not miserable.I have to strongly urge myself to study more and hard.So that's why I won't get afraid coz of my ignorant.

我現在要如何面對我的生活,我需要努力辛苦的工作.因為我不喜歡我的工作.昨天我去了一趟外婆家,她勸告我要為自己生活著想.真是可笑!我根本不知如何創造好生活,我要如何得到完美的生活!試著解瘸我的問題及創造伊斯蘭的事務在我的生活裡.有時,我寧可做一 個辦公室的助理,我可以釋放硰的醫院工作壓力.我總是專注於我再為公醫院遇到的遭遇.我沒有想到他人感受.我很自私.也許我的同事並不是那麼討厭.我必須鞭策自己努力多讀書.那麼~我就不會因無知而感到害怕.

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