想想自己年近30歳，NusLindhal你層想過你想要過著怎樣的生活？我想要組成我自己的家，有份簡單固定的工作，跟先生一同陪培育我們的小孩．那樣的夢想對我說不知道是否是一種奢求，我要如何能擁有這樣的幸福？誰都沒有教過我，因為我知道自己的命運如此，並不是要怨恨！只能感謝Allah引領待我到達這個國境．我不是一個很強的人，我也不能像我母親那樣的能幹，我自己喜歡做的事是什麼，我真的了解嗎？你喜歡當護士嗎？每一天，我像一班人一樣質問自己的工作及人生．雖然說佳里人都表示護士是一份穩定收入不錯的工作．可是我一點也都不覺得，醫生真的想過要好好救人嗎？護士真的想要提供最好的照顧嗎？
有時，我只想結了婚，我可以為先生生下我們的小孩，做點小生意．那是我心目中最期望的生活，我不能像母親這樣能幹撐起家中的支柱，我的先生是家中的唯一．我了解夫妻雙方在宗教理念鄉 同，我們兩個的生活至少是美滿的．存點錢，蓋一棟我心目中的清真寺公寓，大夥都可以住在一起．這樣的伊斯蘭生活也是我最終的夢想，雖然不是很豪華不是很富有，大家凝聚在一起的力量，才是推動我在伊斯蘭的動力．每天早上的喚拜聲，告訴我每一天的新開始．
What!Muslim..a muslim are you?Who could believe I converted to muslim in 2005?I want to be a good muslim.Finish those obligation what I have to do in islam.Do you query all the things why you need to do.I had been before.My family asked me before.What the real reason result me to became a muslim?The Khair said"even I didn't pray everyday.I didn't stop to drink the wine and prohibit to eat the favorite food.like pork or dead animal meat.I still be here"I am not kidding.All these question I have been asked by Khair.How could I explain to them?Maybe I could say all the teaching that allah guiding.Who could trust you?They would say "I still be here.Yup?"What is the future world?Do you see that before?"
No fighting no discussion that kind of the future I want. I am a simple person.I need a job and earn my money for saving.My dream is building my own house.It could be like a small mosque.Like a apartment.My mulsim friends could live together.We just have our own place to pray and work.We won't be worry to lose our job and couldn't support our family.
Do you query what you could do everyday?I thought I get sick because I couldn't find my future.Just pray everyday.Everything before I do say some good words.I can't keep my good temper.I look so emotional.I told to myself I have to be patient it everyday.But it still happend to me.I ask myself why I can't do my good job and gain my happiness life.Why I have to pray from Allah.It's impossible.
just go to sleep.I hope everyday I wouldn't know the true.
Everyday I ask myself what I need in my life.Get married or take a hard job.I couldn't get both together.My head nurse talked me she hope I could consider more others feeling.If I couldn't do well I would involve others job.She admired she treat me so strick.But she wanna me learn more.It's good for me.But I still can't take this such high prssure.I don't know what I felt now. feared I would hurt the patient I care.I would hurt my colleagues.Why?Because of my bad temper.I try to cover that with my tear.But it's not the right way resloving the problem.But I knew myself.What the real I am.I couldn't be like my mother.Just shout to anybody with my emotional temper.Everything I wanna control.But it's fair.How could I complain those disappointed to my family?But I did already.When I get crazy.
When I calm down I could think more what I really need.I need the nurse job beside the hight salary.I like the feeling saving others' life.But I have no professtional skill to finish my dream.No~ you have.But you don't want to study and work hard.My family and the header try to remind me who I really am.What a smart girl is.I was not.Everyday I introspect what I do.Maybe the nervous enviroment make me going wrong way.When I wanna get angry I just pray for allah's forgiving.
Who would call you at midnight just for two piece of glycerine balls?The answer is the nurses on nine floor in Wei Gong hospital.I couldn't realize the senoir co-workers worked there for ten years would do that for me.Do you think about the people would push you with those malevolent way.Great idea!They want you to resign just be hard to you everyday.Even you do the right thing.I intend to fight for my job again.But I am fair.What a good surgery nurse is.I didn't know.Be kind and be good...when you know what they really did to patient.You would admire their doing.I knew I just complain more to my job.But I have to know what they really are.
Say Bismillah before you do everything.
This afternoon I went to surgery dept. because I make some nursing teaching about total hip replacement.I just arrange some simple information and pictures prepareing for this nursing teaching.It let me reminisce the working experience in LinShin hospiatal.What we nurse could do for those patient and their family.Beside the medicine we gave and sone injection the most one is nursing teaching.That could be revealed our important in medical field.The experience is not special to me.I have a lot of experience like that at my the first work.The different is the people they are not Taiwanesea.Almost foreign workers are.But the point we want to convey is the same.
If I only care six to eight persons at my work everyday I rather spent most of my time to teach those patient how to care their health like what I did at my first jod.That's my favorite at the part of my job.In fact it never happend here.Why?Everybody knows what quility of medical in this such hospital.I have to care 10-11 persons everyday.How could I do those good nursing teaching for them?The patient and their family always complain I speak too fast like a machine gun.da.da.da.da.....
When I watch some programe they play the life of some remote districts in the world.Suddently I felt guilty.Why?I look so happiness now.On that time I pray please Allah would gave my Sawah to those peple need the help.I asked my father why my life was so commonplace.My father just laught at me.He asked me what kind of life you seek.I didn't say anything.Because I didn't know what such question I asked him.So funny.A commonplace life and featureless place! It's not a joke.It's too horrible what I thaught.It meant I felt nothing happening in my life.I have to consult some professional.Is it?
No.NurLindhal you can hold a plentiful life.Remenber what Allah require you have to do.Read more Qur'an and pray five time a day.I knew it's my obligation in islam.I had no complain.I love to do that.But I just hate the time is not enough.I like to read more book about islam not my nursing book.Maybe I have to get some balence.It's my plentiful life not a commonplace one.Tiawan is a pretty place.There're a lot wonderful place I don't know.
Sometime I talk to myself Allah will guid me a right way not be too hurry up for my silly daydream.I will pray and consider others situation.If they need my help I rather give my Sawah to them.I don't know why I kept that thinking in my heart.i always think I won't gain my happiness in my life coz of my sin.I couldn't break it away.It was appeared in my bream.It's a nightmare I can't shake it off.Didn't I query what I believe before?Yes!I have to admire I did.Even I could pray five times a day,recite more qur'an and be fasting in Ramadan.But I still stay alone.I couldn't get a complete life until now.How many times I see others muslim's girl like me?Try to know a lot of boy's friends and find thier soulmate special a husband.How could I be like other lucky girl meet a nice guy in blind marriage?Everyday I complain all be unfair to me.Actually I hurt all the people trying to help me.I can't get a balance on this.
The best way is waiting.Yes!Do your obligation first and think about yourself.Maybe it's not important getting married now.If it's yours allah will give you.If not even you insist on occupying you will lose more you had.That concept surround my mental mind always.So that's why I didn't insist on this marriage.
